Our deepest wounds have us believing we're flawed, unlovable, underserving people.
These wounds are often created in childhood, but can sometimes develop later in life. Perhaps you were bullied or experienced a traumatic lifr event that created a wound other times, these wounds are cultural. They develop from prevailing social beliefs, such as the way money is tied to self- worth.
When left unattended these sounds fester leading us to live from this place of deficiency. Doing shadow work allows us live from a place of wholeness an expansion we stop in interpreting from the lens of the wounded self. We understand that most things in life are not about us, but about the people who are acting unconsciously from their own unhealed wounds.
There's a lot to talk about love and light in the spiritual world, but to feel that love and light, we need to heal the deepest parts of ourselves, the parts we may consider ugly and unlovable.
We also need to acknowledge the uglier parts of our personalities - our anger, bitterness, greed and envy. Denying these parts of ourselves doesn't make them go away. Ultimately, the darker side holds greater power.
By doing shadow work, we shed light on the dark and become light instead of pretending.
This practice expands our capacity for self-love, fulfilling relationships and the possibilities we see for our lives, but the work we must do along the way is down and dirty. Are you ready?
KEY STEPS TO DOING SHADOW WORK.
1. NO EMOTIONS ARE BAD-as we become more aware of our insides actually feel more, get annoyed more because we're aware of even small reactions that probably went unnoticed before developing this awareness through meditation, we're able to identify even the smallest reactions to things. This can be annoying, but is an important step to healing.
Negative emotions are portals into shadow work. They help us in illuminate the location of these wounds so we can better examine them.
For example, maybe you find people who are really good at asking for things annoying. This could be a projection of unmet needs or a secret desire of having the chutzpah to ask for help maybe you believe asking for help is wrong, or that you don't deserve to receive assistance.
When you feel an emotion ask yourself:
- what am I feeling?
-why am I feeling this?
• Stop, breathe and wait for answers. They may not come right away and that's ok. Sometimes answers need time and space to arise. Don't force answers because they might be wrong ones, ones from your ego and not the Soul. Soul work happens on its own timeline not a human timeline so be patient and know that in time answers will come.
2. IDENTIFY THE SHADOW- The shadow, by nature, subconscious or rejected. Identifying it can be tricky it's such an integral part of our psyche that it can be difficult to notice.
This also makes healing through shadow work difficult. The first step is to become aware of ongoing patterns in your life. Do you consistently encounter the same problems or experience reoccurring feelings? These patterns help to highlight the shadow
COMMON SHADOW BELIEFS INCLUDE
-I am not good enough
- I am unlovable
- I am flawed
- My feelings are not valid
- I must care for everyone around me (because I was never nurtured as a child)
- Why can't I just be normal?
3. INVESTIGATE WITH COMPASSION - Doing shadow work with compassion is difficult. It's easy to fall into blaming others or ourselves. And while it is important to recognise key themes that influenced us inparticularly in childhood, we must forgive those who hurt us in order to move on.
Try to navigate the blame by recognising how others behaviour may have influenced you while understanding they did the best they could and we're simply acting from their own wounds.
HOW TO DO SHADOW WORK
- JOURNAL - Journalling is a powerful way to feel emotions and empty your head of the thoughts rumbling around. Getting thoughts from your head onto paper is a magical alchemy. If you're not sure how to journal, just start writing right whatever comes to your mind. You can't do it wrong. You could also take the questions mentioned earlier - what am I feeling? - why am I feeling this? and use them as prompts to investigate on paper.
- WRITE A LETTER - You don't actually have to send the letter, but get all your feelings out on paper. Explore why you feel certain ways and tell the person in mind how you feel. This is a good way to validate yourself and your emotions, particularly if you grew up thinking that your feelings weren't valid. Consider burning the letter after you write it as a symbolic release.
-MEDITATE- Sometimes you meditation, we may have insights about why we feel certain ways. It's also possible to spontaneously heal by feeling our emotions. In my own practice, I find healing comes in layers. I heal a small amount and then must return later to dig deeper. However sometimes people can have more profound deeper experiences. You might try a forgiveness meditation visualise the person in your minds eye and say "may you be happy may you be at peace may you be free of suffering".
FEEL- Feel your emotions, explore them make art. Experience yourself as whole, loved, and lovable. The shadow thrives on secrecy. Bring hidden parts of yourself to light and bathe them in self-love. Even if the process hurts know that it's okay and that everybody goes through the same thing.
It's ok to not be ok. Emotion should never be swept under the rug. They should be validated, heard, honoured. If you find yourself in a downward spiral stop for a moment breathe. Look around. Ask yourself what is good about your life? What has happened so far that is evidence that you do have support in your life? Take inventory of the things your grateful for even though you may have taken them for granted. Create a gratitude jar or journal when struggling to ground yourself.
-INNER CHILD- this one is linked the so I've explained more below.
4. NURTURE YOUR INNER CHILD - inner child healing is a foundational part of shadow work.
Childhood traumas, or the way we were parented, can result in deep wounds that in turn create behavioral and emotional patterns that even the most aware may be unaware of.
That's because we didn't know what we don't know our world is our normal, and it takes a lot of effort to uncover the unhealthy patterns that we picked up to ask their false beliefs. You may have believed that are causing you pain that you can't even see because they're so deeply ingrained in you.
Once you realise them, it can be difficult to understand how much pain you cause yourself because of a simple wrong belief. Thats where copious amounts of self love comes in. Just love and accept your journey for give yourself and others and then move on.
This is the crux of shadow work: Shedding light on those things with rather hide accept it all of it and then having the courage to grow into healthier patterns and beliefs.
How many times our childhood wounds are the most painful and persistent. These wounds that say we're not worthy of love, or that our feelings are wrong or that we have to take care of everything because nobody was around to take care of us.
This is a long process that I am personally working through and that I will continue to write about.
A good way to get started however is to visit your inner child.
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